silent heart

Five long years ago on the 25th of May, I would have planned my entire day a month before, from the dress that I would get to wear, to the party list and even the intended gifts. But today, it’s a whole new different place and a whole new different me. 

It’s 4 days more to go to my birthday and i have no plans what so ever and  i have no idea on what to ask for a birthday gift. I ask myself, “Is this what grow up’s feel like?” And i arrive to my conclusion that yes, I think I have become a grown up and with that I have become less attached to earthly things and I’ve become more undecided about everything else. 

Funny really because I have never imagined that this day would come so soon for me. I’m growing up, and my priorities are changing. It’s scaring the living day light out of me, honestly! 

But in a good way, I guess because I never thought I could let go of my childish ways and my need to be always on trend and have all the nice things in life. Today, I’m just grateful to be able to turn another year older and hopefully more wiser. And an added plus would be a really cool camera, which I don’t really need but what the hell, it’s my birthday after all :) 

Right at this very moment, I just want to escape. Escape this life I am living and live a completely different one for a change. I was happy with what I have and I have always been but there are just days like these that I just want to get away!

When I was growing up, all I wanted to be was a veterinarian until someone told me that becoming one would also mean taking care of all animals, including the ones that terrified the living day light out of me, like snakes and so I had to reconsider! Being a nurse was never really my choice nor was it my mothers’ but because I had never learned to make up my mind on anything and the clock was ticking, I just made a decision that I knew I was going to regret!

Don’t get me wrong, I love my profession but it’s work for me. I mean people say that do what you love and it won’t feel like work but for me, it does feel like work and it is. That’s why I got thinking that this must not be my purpose in life yet I am grateful to have it until I figure out what I really want to do with my life. 

Right this moment, I want to be with the one I love and not think of all the things that are running through my mind. The life I want is simple really! Have kids, have a home, make memories, travel, love and live. 

I know that I’m young and life won’t be this way forever but I wonder what would happen if I was able to turn it around with a flick of a switch! 

I’m dying to escape…and I guess I will, one day!